Dozens of hearts were broken and minds shattered when the terrible truth about formerly-beloved (and now much reviled) author Kaine Andrews became known: He hasn’t written a single word on his own.
Rumors began to circulate last month that there were other individuals involved in the creation of Andrews’ fiction, but were confirmed today when the responsible party stepped forward.
“I can’t let him do this anymore. It’s just not right,” said Richard P. Goshwallow. “He’s been taking advantage of me, and duping all of you.”
According to Goshwallow, he says the relationship was simple at fun… at first.
“I’d tell him stories about what it’s like where I’m from. He’d listen attentively, eagerly. Ask me all kinds of questions. To be honest, it was pretty nice; it’s been a long time since anyone paid that much attention to me.”
When asked why, Goshwallow has this to say:
“Well, gee. Isn’t it kind of obvious? I’m dead, after all. Not like a lot of people can even talk to me, let alone finding one who actually wants to. Glad you brought that digital recorder, though! Makes it way easier!”
That’s right. Kaine Andrews uses a real live (dead?) ghost writer.
“It started going sour about a year ago. He was pumping me for information, asking all these questions, and soon he was sounding like a lawyer on Law and Order or something. ‘Isn’t it possible’ this and ‘would you say it could have been’ that. Started twisting the words all around. If I didn’t have an answer – or he didn’t like the one he got – oh, well, out comes the wrought iron and the salt circles. Borderline torture, I tell you.”
Goshwallow is currently involved in a civil suit for lost royalties; lawyers say they are uncertain how such funds would be distributed in the event of a win – the plaintiff’s deceased status and lack of heirs may complicate matters – but are certain they have a strong case. Criminal charges are also being investigated for potential elder abuse, though again, the legal beagles are having difficulty classifying the charges due to the victim’s deceased nature that was not the doing of Andrews.
Andrews, as of the time of this writing, has refused to comment.
More news as it develops.