Today I did something I shouldn’t have. Something I said I would never do. Something that, despite being necessary – no matter how unpleasant – still makes my flesh crawl.
I walked away from a job. Well, not walked, precisely. More like “told my supervisor exactly what I thought of the place and punctuated it with ‘I quit.’ followed by a heel turn and stalking out of the building.
My place of employment is a cesspool of toxic behaviors, rules and regulations that are enforced scattershot if at all, a lack of logic and reason that is causing a constant money hemmorhage when better fixes are available, and enough people desperate enough for the cash that they will literally grind themselves to death trying to keep the position and enough waiting in the wings that the company doesn’t care how many walk-outs, wash-outs and cripples they leave behind.
What caused the snap? A lot of things, really. Lack of training, a slightly racist environment, hundreds of rules with no care or concern of they are actually followed. I could go on. But the final straws were an egg machine and some lost paperwork.
The paperwork is easy. I was questioned as to why I no called/no showed for work twice recently. Both occasions I had discussed with my supervisor, an HR team member, and submitted the paperwork for. It really isn’t much of an issue. It was just “one more thing.”
The egg machine is a little more complicated. For one of the products we make, we have to turn 20 pounds of large egg curd into more finely ground powder and mix it with some other stuff. The grinder has been misbehaving for weeks. You drop the eggs in, I seizes up. You take it apart, wait for it to cool down, start it again. This process generally ends up taking ten to twenty minutes a bag, but you generally need two to four bags every ten minutes. This is, obviously, not sustainable. That leads to delays, which leads to supervisors throwing tantrums, which leads to further loss of productivity. Every day they have run this product in the last three weeks, this has gone on.
The repair crew typically comes over, pokes the machine with a screwdriver, then stands around and stares for several minutes. Then they wander away again. Rinse, repeat. After about four or five rounds of this, they’ll take e motor off, replace it with another one, and start over.
There’s two very simple answers to fix this. One, you shut the bloody line down for the day, take a company check over to the local electronics do electrician supply store, buy a pair of 5HP motors, strap those bastards in. Bet it won’t have a problem pulverizing the eggs, then. Or you put the eggs in a warmer room, so they’re not blocks of ice. That’s a little trickier, since if you let them warm up too much, they’ll turn into glue and gum up the works instead of passing through properly, but it’ll still be faster than dealing with overheating and burned out motors.
Instead they have us keep fighting the machines, bleeding money for every minute they have 20 or so people standing around with their thumbs up their butts instead of putting those eggs on burritos. With time outs to tell me how to load the eggs and complain that I’m behind, generally pushing me aside and trying to do it themselves, only to discover that they can’t do it any faster, at which point they stalk off, grumpier than ever.
This is in addition to my steadily deteriorating physical, mental and emotional condition, all of which is directly attributable to this job, the utter destruction of my financial situation due to same, and the wondering each day if this will be the morning I finally check out and wake up in a jail cell covered in blood or building dust.
So, yay. I got out. That’s the upside, right? Of course, now we’re at the wall of “Well, fuck me. Now what?”
I’ve been looking for another job for months. The search has been less than fruitful. It took a year and a half to get this one. I can fill out apps all day, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. I’m just crippled enough to be unattractive or unsuitable for a number of positions, but not broken enough to qualify for disability. I’m considered “over educated” for a lot of positions, yet not educated enough for most others, with no viability for educational assistance, being straight vanilla down the line in terms of my demographic, having been out of school for too long for scholastic achievements to get me anywhere and having no fallback of amazing physical or mental feats to attract such perks.
In short, I’m a big old pile of “meh.” And this particular meh is now suffering from panic attacks – which, given the respiratory nature of many of my malfunctions is certainly high on the “not good” list – and general freakouts.
Fair warning. I may be disappearing for a bit. My mindset and the likely loss of Internet and required peripherals to access it are not conductive to posting much of anything.
Until I get back – and I will, eventually, be back, assuming a miracle doesn’t occur that prevents my departure at all – hopefully the posts, stories and rants already on-site will remain interesting enough to keep you guys stopping by.
Thank you all. Wish me luck.