Well, bugger. Now what?

Today I did something I shouldn’t have. Something I said I would never do. Something that, despite being necessary – no matter how unpleasant – still makes my flesh crawl.

I walked away from a job. Well, not walked, precisely. More like “told my supervisor exactly what I thought of the place and punctuated it with ‘I quit.’ followed by a heel turn and stalking out of the building.

My place of employment is a cesspool of toxic behaviors, rules and regulations that are enforced scattershot if at all, a lack of logic and reason that is causing a constant money hemmorhage when better fixes are available, and enough people desperate enough for the cash that they will literally grind themselves to death trying to keep the position and enough waiting in the wings that the company doesn’t care how many walk-outs, wash-outs and cripples they leave behind.

What caused the snap? A lot of things, really. Lack of training, a slightly racist environment, hundreds of rules with no care or concern of they are actually followed. I could go on. But the final straws were an egg machine and some lost paperwork.

 The paperwork is easy. I was questioned as to why I no called/no showed for work twice recently. Both occasions I had discussed with my supervisor, an HR team member, and submitted the paperwork for. It really isn’t much of an issue. It was just “one more thing.”

The egg machine is a little more complicated. For one of the products we make, we have to turn 20 pounds of large egg curd into more finely ground powder and mix it with some other stuff. The grinder has been misbehaving for weeks. You drop the eggs in, I seizes up. You take it apart, wait for it to cool down, start it again. This process generally ends up taking ten to twenty minutes a bag, but you generally need two to four bags every ten minutes. This is, obviously, not sustainable. That leads to delays, which leads to supervisors throwing tantrums, which leads to further loss of productivity. Every day they have run this product in the last three weeks, this has gone on.

The repair crew typically comes over, pokes the machine with a screwdriver, then stands around and stares for several minutes. Then they wander away again. Rinse, repeat. After about four or five rounds of this, they’ll take e motor off, replace it with another one, and start over.

There’s two very simple answers to fix this. One, you shut the bloody line down for the day, take a company check over to the local electronics do electrician supply store, buy a pair of 5HP motors, strap those bastards in. Bet it won’t have a problem pulverizing the eggs, then. Or you put the eggs in a warmer room, so they’re not blocks of ice. That’s a little trickier, since if you let them warm up too much, they’ll turn into glue and gum up the works instead of passing through properly, but it’ll still be faster than dealing with overheating and burned out motors.

Instead they have us keep fighting the machines, bleeding money for every minute they have 20 or so people standing around with their thumbs up their butts instead of putting those eggs on burritos. With time outs to tell me how to load the eggs and complain that I’m behind, generally pushing me aside and trying to do it themselves, only to discover that they can’t do it any faster, at which point they stalk off, grumpier than ever.

This is in addition to my steadily deteriorating physical, mental and emotional condition, all of which is directly attributable to this job, the utter destruction of my financial situation due to same, and the wondering each day if this will be the morning I finally check out and wake up in a jail cell covered in blood or building dust.

So, yay. I got out. That’s the upside, right? Of course, now we’re at the wall of “Well, fuck me. Now what?”

I’ve been looking for another job for months. The search has been less than fruitful. It took a year and a half to get this one. I can fill out apps all day, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. I’m just crippled enough to be unattractive or unsuitable for a number of positions, but not broken enough to qualify for disability. I’m considered “over educated” for a lot of positions, yet not educated enough for most others, with no viability for educational assistance, being straight vanilla down the line in terms of my demographic, having been out of school for too long for scholastic achievements to get me anywhere and having no fallback of amazing physical or mental feats to attract such perks.

In short, I’m a big old pile of “meh.” And this particular meh is now suffering from panic attacks – which, given the respiratory nature of many of my malfunctions is certainly high on the “not good” list – and general freakouts.

Fair warning. I may be disappearing for a bit. My mindset and the likely loss of Internet and required peripherals to access it are not conductive to posting much of anything.

Until I get back – and I will, eventually, be back, assuming a miracle doesn’t occur that prevents my departure at all – hopefully the posts, stories and rants already on-site will remain interesting enough to keep you guys stopping by.

Thank you all. Wish me luck.


30 responses to “Well, bugger. Now what?

  1. Wow, yeah, it’s never a good idea to leave a job in a way that makes future references an issue but what’s done is done so breatheeee. Time for your followers to hit that donate button and keep your internet going for you while you search for a job. Take advantage of the free job seeking helps out there. Hang in there, you can do this.

    • While I agree in principle, I also pretty much think they were unlikely to provide a reference in the first place, let alone a good one. I suspect all that has been lost is the income, and aside from the incoming panic, I honestly feel better. A couple of days of not having to be anywhere near that place has actually lessened most of my medical symptoms, and it’s amazing how much better that can make a person feel, even if they are looking at doom of other sorts down the line.

      Thank you (and in a lot more ways than the one); I did get your e-mail and will be replying shortly, for the record. You should also have gotten a package by now (or today), since CreateSpace finally got their act together. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

      • I got it yesterday or was it the day before… hmmm time has a way of slipping by. Can’t wait to crack open those new books but my 23YOD stole them so I have to wait my turn now. I’m glad some good is coming out of the job change. I know folks always say they’ll be there for you and usually aren’t but, we’ll really do what we can to help you through.

  2. Been there twice and both occasions felt like the end of the world. And no one can help, no matter how sincere they might be, words won’t stop the anxiety or find that next job for you. (This all sounds a bit pessimistic, doesn’t it), but I’m being realistic rather than trying to sugar coat a turd of a situation.

    All you’ve got to help you is perseverence and self-survival. Work out how much money you’ve got and how long it will last and that’s your countdown. And when the shit absolutely hits the fan that’ll be when you find out how many true friends you’ve got.

    Good luck. Hope it works out for you.

    • Well, technically, the shit was on the fan before I walked; getting half (or less) of my paycheck every week for two months due to health problems does that. Oh well. But thank you. “We will not go quietly into the night!” as Bill Paxton says in ID4.

  3. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Been there and done that man. I wish you the best and perhaps… perhaps it was “meant to happen.” As cliché as that sounds. Best of luck. -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their post.

  4. I’ve done it, too, and the resultant panic taught me to always have one in the hand before I tell this one to F)(*&^% off. Plus, consider something on the side that you can slowly build into a business that will allow you to really, finally tell them to FO, that will end your dependence on outside employment. You CAN make a sustainable living building picnic tables. You just need to find the right “picnic table” for you. And hang in there, This, too, shall pass.

    • I’ve always tried to have the exit strategy ready. But after being hospitalized multiple times due to this place, the constant mental and emotional abuse they heap on their employees, and that I was one step away from either injuring one of them or deliberately destroying a $200k+ piece of equipment, I determined it was probably better for me in the long run to take a long walk.

      Thank you for your kindness. Now I just need to find, as Yogi would say a “pick-a-nick basket!” XD

  5. Much luck wished to you, dear chap. I have been in your position and survived, albeit with a few panicky months eating discounted food and missing a lot of sleep. But a fellow who knows how best to use the excellent word ‘bugger’ will not be down for long, I am sure. All the very best to you.

  6. Good for you for walking out! If you can’t tell your boss to “go to hell” when you know you are in the right, what is this world coming to? Still, I feel empathy with the concern for getting another job. It is difficult in our economy. Keep your chin up and you will find one sooner or later. Best wishes! 🙂

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