Reason Why I Shouldn’t Be Left To My Own Devices…

…there’s lots of them. But right now, the main one is the kind of bizarre ideas I end up scribbling about.

Quick speed rap that is not 100% accurate, but one of the gists of Mormonism is that the departed are eventually granted their own planet as their heaven, over which they have Godlike powers. Every dead Mormon becomes Space Jesus. (Yes. That is vastly simplified and somewhat tweaked to feed my own amusement. Please, remain calm.)

I was talking about this to a roommate this morning, and suddenly wondered: “What if God had run out of far-flung, uninhabited planets to place his minions, so ended up having to drop someone off on Mars?” I’m picturing Bob from Wyoming, an overweight and somewhat inept individual who led a fairly happy life, had plenty of kids, did his mission, died of something mundane like a heart attack or whatever. Good guy, that Bob. Not the smartest, maybe not the bravest, definitely not the most ambitious, but a decent fellow. And then he’s left in charge of Mars.

Enter NASA researchers, finally getting ready to put the beginnings of terraforming plans into place. Hilarity ensues.

I’m just picturing three or four scientist/astronauts, moon-hopping along one of the montain ridges, gadgets out, looking for the right spot to start digging and plant the ever-important first tree, when all the sudden they get the crap scared out of them when they hear a bellowing “Well, howdy, neighbors!”

Glancing over, they see a portly, smiling man – no space suit, obviously – wearing black slacks, a button-up white shirt and a dark blue tie. Perfectly combed hair, big shining teeth. He flaps his hand dramatically against the shirt. “Gosh, sure is hot up here, ain’t it? C’mon over, fellas! Let’s talk!”

I have no idea where I would take this image, but it has me laughing hysterically. Perhaps I’ll prod at it awhile. Take a break from demonic space cats, amorous werewolves and vengeful ghosts. Maybe it’ll shake something loose inside so I can actually write again. Or maybe I’ll just amuse myself for the day. We’ll see.


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