Netflix: Finding New Ways To Annoy Me

90% of my life’s soundtrack is Netflix. I don’t know how much longer that situation will continute – a combination of their rising rate, the constant disappearance of films and shows I actually want to watch, and drowning me in crap I have no interest in is making it less and less attractive – but for now, it stays.

A large part of that – at least when they still had such programming – is the ghost hunting shows. I find them fascinating, on a lot of levels. Some of them – Paranormal Home Investigators, Dead Files, Paranormal State – I adore and think there’s actually something interesting on occasion. Others, one in particular, it’s much more a “love to hate it relationship.” Ghost Adventures heads that particular camp. Zak and his mates, with their dudebro attitudes (c’mon, you know you’ve pictured him walking up to a ghost and saying “Dude, do you even haunt?”), over the top attitudes, ridiculous editing techniques and willingness to go in Vader-style with a rebreather just make me want to break things even while I stare with rapt attention.

I thought they were the top of that crowd. Nothing could be more ridiculous, less informational or generally aggravating to someone who actually is curious to see something caught on tape. I was wrong.

Netflix helpfully informed me that they’ve put up a couple of seasons of a British programme, Most Haunted. I was of course obliged to click it and see. Within the first twenty minutes, as our hostess was taunting a “spirit” and one of her mates was telling it to “go fuck itself,” the screen cut to static that looks suspiciously like the static effect I created in After Effects for some of my Ex Inferis videos, with a “hissing” sound effect that sounded cribbed straight from the original Poltergeist. I would have liked to drop a clip of it in, just so you could see how ridiculous it is, but unfortunately all I could find on YouTube was seemingly pirated episodes of the whole show.

This is followed by a long winded explanation of how the “bat-ries” were fully charged and she has no idea what happened. Over the static, mind you. Then they proceeded to do this a handful of times over the next three episodes as well. Then of course there’s the “demonologists” who almost make Lorraine Warren appear to have credibility, the constant “attacks” they suffer and their reactions to it, and one portion of Episode 4 where suddenly everyone starts shrieking, and our lead investigator, after being quiet for a second, says “Oh, it was a big, big, big, big, big, big, big nail thing!” Then everyone starts gagging theatrically and fake vomiting as they “suddenly smell dead person.”

Congratulations, Zak. You’re no longer my most hated “ghost hunter.” I’m almost tempted to move you over to the camp of Ryan and Amy, with individuals who I actually pay attention to, if only because the gutter just got so much worse that I feel bad leaving you there.

Anyone else watch this sort of programming? Have a favorite? Have on you can’t stand? Let us know down below!

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