Conspiracy Theories

For those still here, and those who were intrigued by the concept, I figured I would note that the Department of Official Misinformation (also known as DoOM) has not been completely abandoned; it’s still coming, though progress has been stalled until only recently and is currently creeping along at a snail’s pace. But I managed to force an entire paragraph out onto the page today.

I know. Doesn’t sound like much. But it’s better than nothing. More than I’ve managed in a long time. It feels like a very steep uphill battle sometimes, forcing the fingers to the keys. Makes me surly and seems to aggravate the mood swings. Not that not writing is any better, really, since that just leads to self-loathing and restlessness.

But self-pitying whinging is unlikely to be what brings the curious here. So I’ll just leave this here; some of you may have seen it on Twitter, but I don’t beleive I collected the whole thing on here, yet.

The Conspiracy Theory Alphabet is the result of scribbling at work; in long waits between calls, seething at the abuse one endures and the stupidity of the average human seems to be relatively productive. It also entertains me, as I picture it being marketed as a children’s book one day. It’s also funny because when I posted it over on Twitter, I suddenly gained a number of followers and retweets from Flat Earthers, who apparently didn’t read the rest or realize it was poking fun at them…

Anyway. Here we go:

A is for Aliens, streaking through the sky.

B is for Bilderberg, dividing the pie.

C is for Chemtrails, poisoning us all.

D is for Digitization, Mark of the Beast at the mall.

E is for Evolution, the lie of our birth.

F is for Flat, just like the Earth.

G is for Genetics, science twisting our brains.

H is for HAARP, bringing acid rain.

I is for Illuminati, pulling the strings.

J is for JFK, lacking his brains.

K is for Kidnapping, the government to blame.

L is for Lindbergh, an exile in shame.

M is for Majestic, twelve liars in kind.

N is for the New World Order, reading your mind.

O is for OJ, racial tensions created.

P is for Patriarchy, man falsely inflated.

Q is for Questions, our innocence deflowered.

R is for Reptillians, ruling from towers.

S is for Surveillance, Big Brother in action. 

T is for Terrorists, still gaining traction.

U is for UFOs, not weather balloons.

V is for Vaccinations, sealing our doom.

W is for the Warren Commission, spreading the lie.

X is for Xenos, coming down from on high.

Y is for Yog-Sothoth, the Great Old Ones arrive.

Z is for Zombies, when the dead come alive.

I think it’s amusing, anyway. Don’t expect it’ll gain much traction, or get taught in schools, but then again, Spaghetti Monsterism didn’t seem to have much chance, either and look what happened there.

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