Archive for the 'Living Conditions' Category


What’s in your search history?

I frequently joke that it’s a good thing I claim to be a writer because otherwise, my search history could get me in trouble. Some days that’s more true than others, but I’m sure it’s a feeling a lot of us have.

I’m sure plenty of people have things in their search history they might have a hard time explaining to others, so having a handy-dandy excuse of “it was research, bro” can lift a bit of the stigma, even if the search itself had nothing to do with a creative project. But what if the searches themselves were the creative project? I remember reading a book called Whogles that featured some of the more bizarre autocompletes, and made a point of noting that something doesn’t become an autocomplete unless lots of people have put it into the system. The one I remember best was “Why is there a dead Pakistani in my couch.” I’m pretty sure we have 4chan or Reddit to blame for that one.

Some of my searches in the last 24 hours include “Female cop on Supernatural,” (because despite being a rabid fan of the show, her being one of my favorite secondary characters, and having just watched an episode where she was a central focus, my brain randomly decided it couldn’t remember the character’s name was Jody Mills. It also decided to stall on Rowena. Don’t skip your meds, kids) “Super Neptunia FC Land” (I had forgotten where the place was on the world map, had scoured everywhere, then finally discovered I couldn’t find it because story progress was blocking it for the time being) “adite people vampires” (did you know there was a whole tribe of Arabic people who supposedly lived in Iram of the Pillars but were sunk beneath the sands in a bizarre Atlantean style myth, but who are believed to have been “rescued” by Lilith and turned into bloodsucking monstrosities? I didn’t. But I’m glad I do now!) “Demetri Martin funeral quote” (because I was looking for a meme about the whole “I’m sorry and I apologize generally mean the same thing except at funerals” joke) and “antipsychotics with fatal side effects.”

I think it’s the last one that’s liable to land me on a watch list somewhere, but I swear it was for research purposes! (But did you know that you can help curb a haldol overdose with Benedryl? Now you do. Though I dunno if I 100% believe it.)

Seriously, though. Someone needs to round up some of the more disturbing searches and compile them somewhere, alongside valid excuses for why you might be looking them up. I bet you could get Casey Anthony or Bobby Dassey to endorse it. Hmm. There’s an idea.

What sort of weirdness is in your search history? Let us know down below!

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I Hate Myself and Don’t Deserve Good Things — The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

This sums up a lot of my own thoughts, and I’m sure plenty of other folks’ as well. Worth reading. (Comments disabled here; please visit the original post.)

Anxiety. Depression. PTSD. Codependency. On any given day, I’m dealing with one or more of these issues. It has taken several years for me to understand what I’m going through. I didn’t realize I was codependent until recently. That one hit harder than the others. Most of my behaviors stem from one of my issues.…

via I Hate Myself and Don’t Deserve Good Things — The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog


The Doctor is Out

Dr. Gale was going to spend some time with her first patient today, but a few factors prevented that; the resurgence of T-Virus infected bedbugs, tweaks to my meds (and the poor choice of onion-and-pickle-laden egg salad sandwiches for dinner) keeping me up with severe heartburn and acid reflux, and the aftereffects of having the flu shot (I’m mildly allergic, so it tends to cause some pretty nasty pain and swelling, migraines, and aggravate my asthma for a day or two after getting the shot.)

So for anyone hoping to find out which of her four pet nutters are coming through the door first, I apologize. Hopefully, we’ll find out tomorrow. (If it’s any consolation, I didn’t know myself until a few minutes ago, and I still have only vague notions of how that initial consultation is going to go; we can be surprised together, for the most part!)

I may stream a little later today, depending on how the lungs feel and what the temperature is like. I picked up Rise of Insanity, and would like to give it a go, but playing VR when sick and trapped in high heat is a recipe for disaster. Alternatively, I could show some of Labyrinth Life, though that’s liable to lead to all kinds of rants regarding censorship (and I don’t even know if Twitch is okay with it; I know they banned Hunie Pop and Hunie Cam Studio, so I don’t know where they stand on games with a lot of ecchi content these days.) If you have a preference or want to see me play some other atrocious mess, drop me a line on Twitter, in the comments here, or on PSN!

Hope everyone’s Monday is going well; until next time, folks!

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Just a few of my favorite quotes from various sources; maybe some of them are your favorites, too.

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”

“What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!”

“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”

“We all float down here.”

“I like my music like I like my life. Everything louder than everything else.”

“War. War never changes.”


“Who glued these quarters to the floor, man?”

“You can guess what happens next.” “He fixes the cable?”

And then, this entire monologue, which I can still recite word for word at the drop of a hat.

What about you? What quotes stick in your head? Share down below, if you’re of a mind.

Until next time.


Itchy. Tasty.

Having been up most of the night trying to combat an infestation that has resulted in near-constant assault by insects for the greater park of a week, I have come to a conclusion.

My neighbor must work for Umbrella Corporation. Not Blue Umbrella, not Neo Umbrella. The OGs of the “hey, let’s see what happens when we do this!” camp.

Since he has moved in, we’ve had explosions, one after another, of silverfish, roaches, mice, fleas and bedbugs. All of them almost ridiculously resistant to all normal methods of destruction. The bedbugs are now eating their third Raid fog bomb (having already survived multiple flea treatments, 110+ degree temperatures, a visit from the Orkin man and a bleach soaking of the mattress, bedding and boxspring.)

I firmly believe these pests are T or G virus mutations. It’s the only explanation. The fact that he stands by his window in the buff, grunting and moaning, while a spectacularly fetid smell leaks from his apartment only reinforces this notion.

It’s only reminding me why I loathe other people; between having to be paranoid about measles thanks to a compromised immune system, having a neighbor who has more green clouds (that I’m allergic to) leaking out from under his door and then under mine than you see in a Cheech and Chong movie, and now the new neighbor bringing with him genetic experiments that infest the whole building.

Can I just live in a cabin in the woods, way the hell away from others? I wish.


Thank you!

Taking a break from the angry rants of the last few posts to express some gratitude. As my loyal readers are aware, I’m not well, but some folks have stepped up to help out where they can. They are very much appreciated.

Thank you very much to Oh No Tuxedo Mask, who supports me via Patreon; you should drop by her Twitch page and follow her. She’s quite entertaining. Thank you very much for your support. It means a lot.

A lovely human, who chose to remain anonymous, contributed to my GoFundMe page; thank you from the bottom of my heart. If there is a way I can repay you or thank you, please get in touch and let me know.

If anyone else out there would like to help, please stop by my Patreon or GoFundMe pages. Everything helps, and keeps me trudging on, even if it’s just a share, retweet, or “Like.”  If you can’t, that’s totally okay; no hard feelings. It’s always appreciated and never required.

For others out there struggling, keep the faith. Have hope. It’s not easy, but sometimes things work out. Keep them fingers crossed. (And if you’re having medical issues or struggling to get yourself heard, feel free to drop your links down below, too.)

KA Spiral no signature



There is little in the world that annoys me, crushes any sense of accomplishment, or brings on the waves of crippling depression and paralyzing rage than a cheater.

The definition of a “cheater” is pretty broad in my head, I suppose. Maybe I shouldn’t let it get to me. But basically, I count anyone who abuses a system, who breaks the rules or a system, or who warps the rules and definitions of a system so they can claim to “win” – especially at the expense of others and/or myself – as a cheater. Also included are people who want to brag about being #1 at something when they’ve so mutilated the criteria that there’s really no one else running.

That includes people with aimbots or lagbots, or folks who are using party chat to rig a match in an online game. That includes people who want to brag and ram it down your throat that they’re the #1 bestseller in the nonbinary lesbian moongender vampwolf otherkin comedy romance thriller genre on Amazon (and the inverse; “I’m looking for manuscripts, but only if nonbinary lesbian moongender vampwolves are doing the submissions.”) That includes all the self-diagnosed “neurodivergent” people who treat mental illness as a badge of honor and use it as a free ticket to get out of trouble or claim special treatment. That includes the folks who claim disability and receive benefits (usually for nebulous conditions like a “bad back”) who then spend their days jogging around the neighborhood and working on cars for cash under the table. This includes people who, despite living in a supposedly non-smoking complex (and being quick to report you if they saw you using a vape device without having gone past the imaginary sidewalk line) spend most of their time spewing so much pot smoke that it leaks under the door of neighboring apartments, and somehow are immune to punishment. This includes people who claim nonexistent (or, as I call it, “conveniently existent”) disabilities or gender identities to use them as bludgeons against others, excusing everything from frivolous lawsuits to pedophilia and perjury.

It’s a long list. And it’s the sort of thing that’s always made me furious. I remember being in the first or second grade, one of the students – and notorious bully by virtue of his height and girth – was trotting around the schoolyard claiming to be the “King of Grades.” Yes, it’s stupid. But it still enraged me, especially because I knew it to be false; you don’t get consistently held back to finish homework or repeat quizzes if you’re doing well. I remember getting myself landed in detention because I ended that discussion by hysterically shouting random questions at him, trying to “prove” he was lying by catching him in a wrong answer. “What’s a bicuspid?” That was the last one I recall.

Yeah, I’m nuts. I know it. “Don’t let it get to you,” most people would say, or more colloquially, “Don’t let the bastards get you down.” It’s born of a seething inferiority complex that’s compounded by an inability to feel any sort of pride my own accomplishments or having that pride ripped away, shat on, or belittled by those around me (or, in today’s lovely environment, being told that pride is somehow “problematic.”)

Still, rage-inducing. Promoting me to stare at the sharp objects far too often. Liable to force me to submerge and pretend I don’t exist again or make me throw my hands up in the air and stop taking my meds or even trying.

Not a happy post today. Sorry, folks.

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