Archive for the 'Living Conditions' Category

23
Nov
19

Guilt

I’ve been away from my keyboard for almost 48 hours. As I noted yesterday, there’s stuff going on, and scribbling doesn’t seem to help the mindset. But I’ve discovered stopping myself from doing it isn’t all that helpful, either.

This is a nothing post, a quick blurb, but sitting down to do it scratched the itch and banished the guilt demon. It also aggravated the lung, back and head demons who weren’t happy about being dragged upstairs, sitting in the chair, or the frequent panic of what to write. Win some, lose some.

I feel like I’m going insane. More insane than I actually already am, that is.

News as it develops.

KA Spiral no signature

22
Nov
19

Sabbaticals

I have done my very best to write every day, to post every day. I have somehow managed this feat for around 110 days.

That’s pretty impressive for me, especially given my condition. I have at least a small sense of pride about it, even if it’s unwarranted and ultimately pointless. It’s ranked second at the moment in points of personal pride (first place is my PSN Trophy Count. Yes, I know that’s sad.)

But the holidays are coming. Stress levels are rising. I just had to move and there’s still a lot to unpack. My health continues to deteriorate, and doctors want more and more time to poke me.

I need some time away, I think. Not too long. But hitting this every single day is draining me and not realistically feasible at this point. So if you see me skip a few days (no more than a week at a time, I promise), nothing’s wrong, I don’t hate you, and I’m not dead.

For those of you I miss, happy holidays, happy Thanksgiving, merry Christmas, happy New Year’s, etc, etc. And if you don’t celebrate those particular variants of holiday festivity, please interpret that as being well wishes for your favored day, or if you are of a denomination that avoids them all, then take it as “have a great couple of months.” No hate, folks.

Take care, everyone.

KA Spiral no signature

16
Nov
19

Updates

Not about fiction, writing, or anything that’s actually relevant. Just going to rant for a second.

I use a Mac. I know that makes some of your eyes bleed, your brains boil, your blood pressure rise; I have a reason for it. In the dim dark days of my youth, I worked in video production and television broadcasting. If you wanted to do that sort of thing, or graphic design, or audio editing, or any creative field, really, you used a Mac. They were the workhorses in that department, and though they were pretty expensive for “just a computer,” they frequently ended up being more bang for the buck when you were doing those things because that’s what they had been built for and the software was built around it.

That isn’t necessarily the case, anymore – FCPX is a damned embarrassment, most of the rest of the Apple Creative Suite has been killed off, rolled into gimped features of FCPX or hasn’t bothered to be updated or functional for any recent systems, and the hardware inside is functionally identical to most Windows PCs – but 20 years ago, that was the way. Since I did a lot of work from home and had to do some edit jobs on location, my home computer and laptop were Macs, too; everything talked to each other, the same software was on all of them, got the job done.

I’ve kept with it primarily to keep that “everything talks to each other” ability and because for the most part, it does what I want it to. There’s the occasional roadblock (not having a Mac executable for games or certain software, mostly), sometimes circumvented by a VM or a Wine wrapper, but nothing major. When it does become a major issue, there’s the wonders of BootCamp. I have Windows 10 on my machine (unwillingly; they removed support for Windows 7, unfortunately.), and lately I’ve been spending more time in there than on macOS, since I’ve been diddling with RPG Maker and streaming software that don’t like running under macOS.

That’s fine. I’m not entirely happy about it, but I have it configured how I want it and it does the damned job. Until the 15th. Windows arbitrarily decided to update. Which it does without warning, and frequently just decides to reboot when I’m in the middle of something. Doesn’t ask, just does. Charming little trick, that. But this last update completely borked my network adapter.

My internet is supposed to be 200 down, 5 up (why the disparity, I dunno; my old service was 40 down, 20 up, and I liked it just fine, but that carrier isn’t available in my new neighborhood.) Now, my computer is upstairs (though it’s an open loft, not strictly a second floor) and I’m connecting via WiFi, so I don’t expect it to be perfect, but since that update, I get an average of .4 down. Still get 5 up, for some reason, but the upload speed doesn’t mean dick when you can’t even open WordPress or your cloud-based manuscripts and Twitter is acting like an old school AOL message board.

Reset the router/modem. Tested every other device on WiFi sitting next to the computer. Split the network and force connected to 5ghz. Nothing helps. Reboot to macOS, getting 70-120 down, 5 up (which is an acceptable degradation, given circumstances, and not unexpected… but at least it’s functional.)

Look into the problem, discover this is a known issue that has happened many times before (pretty much at least once a year since Win10 hit, which just reinforces my loathing for it and desire to go back to Win7, which worked just fine, thank you.) So now I’m having BootCamp redownload its own drivers, so I can forcibly overwrite them on the Windows side. Hopefully I can find a way to disable the auto updates for the network card, so it doesn’t do that crap again. But we’ll see.

So if anyone’s wondering why there isn’t a new and exciting content today, that’s why. Fighting with goddamn updates and reinstalls all bloody day. Ugh.

KA Spiral no signature

13
Nov
19

Doctor Drama

Nothing much to report today; work continues on Chrysanthemum Graves, though at a snail’s pace. I think I’ll have a chunk I feel like sharing tomorrow, or maybe Friday, so if you’re into that sort of thing, feel free to check back then.

Today is a medical day, though. Three different doctors in two different cities who are going to poke and prod me and likely leave me exactly as I entered with the exception of less room on the credit card after paying the three different $80 co-pays. Getting really sick of going to these. But if I don’t go, my employer and the folks at disability assume “oh, he’s fine now, no need to worry.” Never mind the back pay they should have dealt out months ago, but they’ll definitely put a hold on anything forthcoming. So I keep going to the doctors, who keep telling me the same thing, and they keep dragging their heels.

I am so utterly sick of dealing with medical personnel and all the associated extensions it requires. This should be very simple. Send one human with a brain to my house and watch me try to do chores for an hour or two. Do a two-hour phone call. Discover “wow, he’s fucked up!” Sign off on form that says “Wow, he’s fucked up!” Send a second person to echo that sentiment. Be done.

But no. Six doctors, a year, and having to call every single day because they can’t be bothered or trusted to return my calls or call me back. The latest on that one is my employer called me yesterday to ask if I had my original rejection letter. This is the first I’ve heard from them since two weeks ago when I finally got through to a third-tier supervisor and manually sent all the info to him. I told them “Um. No. I’ve had to move, and I have roughly a crate’s worth of medical records, so I’m not sure where that would be at the moment.” They inform me they’re going to have to pull it from their records, then.

They’re damn fast about finding paperwork when it’s something that supports them telling me to go pound sand, but apparently, it’ll take them a week to find a document they sent to me, that should be in my damn file. Ugh.

Anyway. Off to the doctor’s. Send chicken. Or drug money. If you feel like doing either, you can stop by my Patreon or GoFundMe. Everything helps.

Until next time, folks.

KA Spiral no signature

 

28
Oct
19

Desk Job

It was not easy, and I’m fairly certain my kneecap is in the wrong place and my spine is terribly misaligned, but my desk (and thus my computer) are now where they are supposed to be. It was an exciting adventure.

I will most likely be updating my “View from the Desk” video in the near future because for some reason I enjoy thinking people might admire this space and one day say “Did you know? This is where the magic was born!” Not that they would, but it’s fun to imagine.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to attend a NaNoWriMo meeting. I am terrified. I don’t know whether I’m going to go or not. Depression, anxiety, pain, and strep throat say no. Logic and the desire to be free of those (at least the ones I can be; the strep still has 8 days of antibiotics to clear) say I not only should go, but that I must go.

We’ll see who wins tomorrow afternoon. Or if my spine has popped back into place.

Until next time, folks.

KA Spiral no signature

 

26
Oct
19

Good Things Coming… Maybe

The move is almost done. I’m feeling a little better after a medication tweak and the doctor’s visit. I may have wrought mass destruction on what manuscripts existed at the time, but I feel like I may be able to come back to the keys.

My computer is in its new home, though still missing the desk. The desk weighs almost 200 pounds. Getting such a thing down one set of stairs, into the bed of a truck that has no tiehooks and a tailgate you can’t put down, 30 miles southward, then off said truck and up a set of stairs is something a cripple like me has yet to figure out. If you’ve got any ideas (or are in the Salem, OR area and willing to help), let me know. Then there’s the lady of the house’s desk, which is even heavier, and let us not forget the dresser, which isn’t horrendously heavy (at least, once you take the drawers out and the mirror off) but incredibly awkward and just a teensy bit longer than the bed of my truck.

My employer has received the doctor’s notes stating just how fucked up and broken I am. One can only hope they say “Oh. Shit. Guess he is broken.” We’ll find out next week. Hopefully it’s good news. But at least I’ve finally gotten all the paperwork done on my end.

I still need surgery. It still costs a fortune. If you’ve got a dime to spare and feel like dropping it in my bucket, it’d be much appreciated; you can find the GoFundMe right here. Or if you like my stuff and want to contribute on a more ongoing basis, you can stop by my Patreon. Everything helps, and is always appreciated, and if there’s anything I can do in return, you need only ask.

I think that’s it for today. My back and lungs are destroyed from what I did manage to do today, even though it wasn’t much. Meds, then sleep, I think. Until next time.

25
Oct
19

Doctors are Crazy

It will never cease to amaze me the amount of paper and time doctors can waste. I think we could make a serious dent in the paper waste industry if we cut some of that out.

Nine months and six doctors later, I’m officially considered broken almost beyond repair. The last report on this took 38 pages of single-space small type that all basically says “Failed, failed, failed, failed, failed, fainted, failed, fainted, had to medicate, failed, failed” ad nauseum. Oh well.

Nothing else to report today. Still mourning the loss of manuscripts from the other day, and after another 3 hours at the doctor’s, I’m wiped out. Until next time.




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