Archive for the 'Living Conditions' Category

11
Jan
20

The Rise of Skywalker – Not Rising to the Occasion

I had the dubious pleasure of watching Rise of Skywalker this week.

Too long, didn’t read? I hated it. I hated everything about it. It managed to claim the coveted spot of Worst Star Wars Media Ever, knocking the dipso duo of the holiday special and The Last Jedi out of the way in its hurry to claim the title.

That probably marks me as one of those sycophantic fanboys who just gets mad every time the studios, writers, directors or whoever don’t do what I want. I had to hear that enough when I said I didn’t like Last Jedi, too. I don’t think that’s what I am; I just think there was that much garbage in this thing. Of course, I’m probably wrong; I also think Rose Tico sucked, which makes me a misogynist racist and not someone who just thought her plot was stupid, pointless, bloating an already bloated movie or shattering the chance for one of the good characters to have an epic, heroic moment. (For the record, I quite like Finn, and while some have claimed “Because patriarchy!” I don’t care what gender the character is. I just think a reformed stormtrooper who actually does some of the cool stuff is fun.) Also, as much as Holdo irritates me, she’s got some awesome moments, and that lightspeed collision was freakin’ awesome (though I think it should have been Leia, so she got a suitably heroic and awesome death instead of that idiotic flying thing she did and what happens to her in RoS.)

Most folks who accused me of being a misogynistic fanboy who hates all joy would probably be confused as to why I hate Rise of Skywalker even more; after all, Rose Tico becomes a piece of the background, there’s dominant male figures, Reylo happens, Palpatine is back, we get an explanation for Snoke, everything’s back to normal. Except that’s not ever what it was about. It was about telling a good goddamn story that makes freakin’ sense.

That’s where Rise of Skywalker falls flat on it’s face. There’s other problems – that the whole thing feels like 45 or so unrelated 5 minute vignettes instead of a whole movie, that it never takes a second to just breathe and let us take in what happened, that the plot devices were silly and too convoluted, that every time something actually interesting might happen we have to go all Michael Bay and blow some shit up and that most of it feels like Abrahms giving the middle finger to Johnson – but I spent the whole damn time going “That doesn’t make any goddamn sense in this universe!”

So, spoilers ahoy, because I’m just going to run down the list of shit that infuriated me with the level of stupid, the plot holes, the gloss overs, the idiot plans of the characters. Ready? Go.

1. Palpatine is back. If he was a clone (or if the Emperor seen in Return of the Jedi was), that’s fine, I guess. Stupid, but fine. But no indication is made of that. Instead I’m supposed to believe he survived getting hucked down a reactor core, electrocuted, exploding (twice) and planetfall in the remains of a destroyed superstation. Horse shit.

2. Palpatine wants to drain the life of Kylo and Rey to regenerate. Sure, sounds like a plan. Except, if he needs life force, why not eat all those cultists or whatever they were who were bobbing their heads and chanting the Sephiroth theme? Why not suck dry the few thousand Sith troopers who just happen to be on the planet (which is also stupid)? How about the Snokes-in-a-jar (or hell, clone more of ’em and them, too.) There’s no reason for him to sit around waiting for those two. They may be quality eats, but I’m willing to bet devouring a few thousand is going to get the job done. Quantity, in this case, is likely to trump quality.

3. Palpatine wants to eat Kylo and Rey, and lures Kylo to Exegal. Okay. Then, instead of eating him, he lies to him and sends him off to go fetch Rey. Meanwhile, he’s made it stupidly convoluted for Rey to find her way there without Kylo. Apparently, the Emperor has Alzheimers, as he forgot what happened the last time he took a Sith Skywalker and a Jedi into his inner chambers for nefarious purposes. Even if he could somehow keep Kylo loyal, Kylo isn’t a bloody idiot and showed up wanting to gank Palpy anyway. Better to get rid of him and lure Rey in nice and easy.

4. Rey is Palpy’s granddaughter. Excuse me, fuck what? So, the Emperor had a kid, who we’ve never heard of but that he knew about. Somehow this kid is not on the Imperial payroll, and manages to stay hidden until he’s got a six year old, and further somehow manages to hide that six year old from a Jedi hunter. You know, those guys who are frequently force sensitive, trained to track and kill people, and who had the full backing of the Empire? Yeah, them. Somehow missed a six year old (who’s so super Force powerful she learns all the tricks within seconds of being exposed to it, adopts a rare lightsaber form from instinct, and scares the piss out of Luke she’s so strong) just because she’s hanging with a junk trader. Bullshit.

5. Leia being Rey’s trainer. Okay, Luke’s “dead” (not that it stops him), Yoda’s a ghost (who doesn’t bother saying “hey, my presence might be helpful), Obi-Wan, Qui-Gonn, Ezra, Asokha and god knows how many other force ghosts don’t care. She’s got the bloody texts, and what does she need training for anyway? She knows all the tricks and is better at them than anyone else anyway. But Leia, who trained a little under Luke (that we never heard about until now) is now Jedi Master enough to train the next Jedi Messiah? Bullshit.

6. Anakin’s lightsaber. Maybe I missed something, but I could have sworn Kylo and Rey blew it up while playing tug-o-war with it at the end of Last Jedi, and I don’t remember Rey stopping to pick up the pieces before she booked it. But don’t worry, it’s fine, now.

7. The ATVs the stormtroopers use during the chase scene. Why treads? Useless and causing more trouble than they’re worth (both with potential for mechanical failure, and the added cost of having to repair that AND the antigravity thrusters, since it looks like they still float in the back.) Plus the little “launch” hiccup when they have the jetpack troopers take off looks dumb and is unnecessary.

8. “They can fly, now?” Not because I have a problem with jetpack troopers, because that tech has already been shown in Star Wars (Boba/Jango Fett, and I could swear I had a jetpack trooper action figure back in the 80s, though I might be wrong.) But because Finn and Poe are surprised by it.

9. Healing the snake. That was flat out retarded. “Hey, lookit this cool new Force power which has never been indicated to exist in any way previously that I just know how to do, and lookit how I show it off for no bloody reason when I could just cut this obviously hostile – and probably responsible for the death of the Jedi hunter – monster in half and move along! And lookit how it shows gratitude and wanders off!” Stupid.

10. The multi-layer MagGuffins. “I need to get this thing. But to get this thing, I have to find this other thing. Which means hunting for a third thing. Luke and Lando were looking for the thing (and never mind how they knew to look for the thing or what they were doing or why they just gave up) so there’s a clue trail, let’s go!” Further, since Palpy wants her to come, you think he’d make it easier to get there, instead of giving her more chances to show off, learn new Jedi tricks, or harden herself.

11. The magic captain’s coin. I don’t give a crap if you have a magic coin or not (the Empire has previously been shown to be very lax on security, so it not being deactivated or reported stolen I’m willing to overlook), if you fly in there in the friggin’ Millenium Falcon – you know, that ship that was present for two of your greatest defeats, that is the known vessel of several of your Most Wanted targets, that has the Hutts looking for it – general protocol should be to just blow the sucker up. The odds of it showing up and actually having a Sith/Imperial/First Order guy on board who just forgot to phone ahead and submit to screening is essentially 0.

12. Chewbacca’s “death.” Aside from it being a cheap fake-out, you’re telling me Rey and Kylo couldn’t still sense him being alive? Bullshit.

13. C3P0’s memory wipe. “Here, have a touching moment. Have some actual stakes. We’ll make a couple jokes about it. Oh, you thought that would stick? Nope. He’s fixed, back to himself. No worries.”

14. I hate them, but what happened to the Porgs on the Millenium Falcon? They tore the whole thing up and turned it into a giant nest, and one of them acted like it was Chewbacca’s new pet. Now they’re just gone.

15. Palpatine’s Death Star Destroyers. Whether he conjured them with the Force or had a secret factory under Exegal, why sit on them for 30+ years? If you want the galaxy, the time to use them would have been right after you got back from your double explosion. Luke’s the only known Jedi, the Republic is still trying to put itself back together. Nuke a few planets and announce “You thought I was gone, bitches? Nah ah ah!” Alternatively, should have just sent Snoke with a few of those instead of the Starkiller base bullshit. In fact, Palpy being alive and having his Death Star Destroyers makes the whole Snoke ploy utterly pointless.

16. Palpatine’s plan. When not yet up to full strength and planning to eat a couple of uber-Jedi to get there, let’s tell everyone you’re there and about to start killin’ folks. No, idiot. Wait until you’re going to do it, then do it and wait a little longer for whatever terrorist act you commit to sink in, then tell them you’re there. Bragging about how you’re coming is just going to rile up potential resistance, which has never gone well for him in the past.

17. Palpy’s plan, part two. Announce you’re back and ready to blow shit up, lure in your wayward children, eat them. Except, no, that’s not the plan; the plan is to die and possess Rey and make her Empress. This is very stupid. If Reypatine turns up and demands subservience, people are probably not going to obey (at least at first) because Palpy told everyone he’s coming. They’re more likely to be scared of him, and assume that supporting – or accepting – Rey as Empress is just going to make the Emperor mad. Again, don’t tell them you’re coming until you’re actually doing it, dipshit!

18. Palpy’s a dumbass, mark… 208, I imagine. Try to force lightning your granddaughter? Okay; but when the granddaughter starts reflecting the lightning back at you, turn that shit off, yo! Just… stop. Don’t keep firing and disintegrate yourself, you idiot.

19. Kylo magically learns the healing trick, uses it on Rey, dies. Just dumb all around, though at this point I guess Rey fans should be glad she’s not a Skywalker; every Skywalker who uses a cool Force trick dies right after, so…

There’s more. So many more. I could go on for ages about it, but I’m not MauLer, so I’ll stop there. All in all? I hated it, thought it was the stupidest Star Wars media ever made, and want to die.

Your opinions? Did I miss something? Did some of these make more sense to you than me? Let me know down below!

04
Jan
20

Reading Up

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I failed last year’s Goodreads reading goal. Miserably, in fact. The year before, I had set it to 100 books, thinking I’d plow through easily; didn’t even make it halfway, but at least there was reading being done. Last year, I set it at a more realistic 20 and did… three, I think? If that. Almost all of it was towards the beginning of the year.

Yeah, I’ve had a shitty time, but I know I should read more. Should be doing that instead of bringing the Vita into the bathroom. I haven’t set a goal (and probably won’t) since goals just depress me when I inevitably fail them. See for reference my performance in NaNoWriMo, where the manuscript I started is still stalled at the 12k words it was mid-November. But I intend to read something.

I’m starting with a pair of books I’ve had for a while and just never opened up to get to. The first is Confessions of a Yakuza; it’s a pseudo-memoir of a former Japanese crime boss. I have a strange fascination with the Japanese mafia that carries across all forms of media, and I’ve managed to get through 1/5th of it in the day since I started, so odds are good I will actually finish it. It’s interesting so far, though most of what’s already happened involved learning how they treated syphilis in the 1910s, pretty graphically. Fun stuff.

The other is Spooked: Science Tackles the Afterlife. I’ve owned it for a while – and had it marked as To Read for a lot longer – but hadn’t done much but crack it and glance at the first page beforehand. About 20 pages in, which may not seem like much, but I imagine the pace’ll pick up once they actually start getting into the title topic instead of musings about the nature of death and the spirituality surrounding it.

What are you reading this year? Have you got a target, or just taking them as they come along? Anything you think I should be reading? Let us know down below!

KA Spiral no signature

03
Jan
20

Health Update

img_0123Long and short of it, I’m still borked.

But there’s been some improvement, if only on the mental side of things. The shrinks decided “Prozac ain’t cuttin’ it. Let’s try something else.” They then introduced me to the wonders of Latuda.

On day 1, I pretty much was instantly kicked out of the depressive pit. On day 2, I saw the warning signs of a manic phase. On day 3, mania had descended. Day 4, it was fading. Day 5 and since, I’ve felt… normal. It’s weird. I’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

I believe the message here is: Take your damn meds. If what you’re on isn’t working, call the doctor and tell them so. Don’t keep quiet. Moral #2 is “don’t expect instant change.” Give it a week or two to see what changes occur. Moral #3 is “don’t get discouraged.” Easier said than done, especially for those of us laboring under depressive or bipolar disorders, but it’s key. Psychiatry is more art than science thanks to the wonders of individual chemistry, and a lot of it is throwing darts to see what sticks.

So far as the physical front, it’s only getting worse. I’m still lucky if I can get an hour or two of uninterrupted breathing, and making a quick Target run to pick up coffee and sugar or my latest prescription or getting the mail or taking out the trash is an effort that sometimes seems as monumental – and potentially lethal – as climbing Everest. But I continue to survive. It’s almost funny, really; I’ve heard a joke a few times that basically sums it up: “I have autoimmune problems. I’m so awesome, only I can kill me.” It’s true. Snake and spider bites? Nothing. Broken bones, blood loss, shredded flesh? I laugh at you. Questionable food choices hold no worry for me – except for that last trip to Red Robin – and with the exception of severe hydrophobia, I’m not worried about the elements either. But my immune system (or lack thereof, depending on how many steroids the pulmonologist has decided I need that week) certainly seem to have it in for me. They’re still saying surgery is probably the best option, and it’s still painfully out of reach.

I’m going to take a second and get semi-political and “problematic,” primarily because someone felt the need to inform me that my GoFundMe and Patreon were unnecessary and pointless because I have privilege that will protect me. This person has a fairly sizable Patreon, and has done multiple GoFundMe campaigns (usually to pay for legal costs as they have difficulty following rules like paying rent, having a driver’s license, registering their car, or leaving an establishment when told they are not welcome) that were quite successful. To them – and anyone like them – I say “fuck you.” Your imaginary concept of privilege doesn’t seem to care what color or sexuality I am; it cares that my lungs are an easy target and seems determined to rip them to shreds. Also “fuck you” that someone who flaunts the law, wants to scream victim and oppression at every point, and relies on made-up bullshit to grift people feels the need to take time out of their busy day explaining how there’s a secret squirrel account tied to their “Straw Man’s” SSN that can pay off all debts to harass me for the cardinal sin of asking for help. Wanna trade? I’ll take your skin color and sexual status if I also get your bank account and apparent immunity to criticism or consequences, and you can have my privilege and my lungs. We’ll see how that goes.

Okay, got that out of my system. Wait. Not quite. “Sovereign Citizens and Moors are giant dickbags, and if they think they’re beyond the law, then we should just start shooting the assholes and be done with it.” Go ahead. Lien my bond or whatever. It’ll be funny.

Okay, really done with that. But, in all seriousness, my lungs are fucked, my finances are worse since I haven’t been able to work in over a year, and I could really use some help. If you think you can assist, please take a minute to drop by (or share the link) my GoFundMe or Patreon. It’d really help.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hopefully I’ll have a bit of fiction available for you next week. Still mulling it over. We’ll see how it turns out.

Until next time.

KA Spiral no signature

02
Jan
20

A New Year, Again?

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Well. Somehow I did it. I survived 2019. If you’re reading this, you did too.

Isn’t it grand?

Of course, that means we have a whole new year of god knows what coming for us. So batten down the hatches, prepare the emergency rations, and hold fast. We made it through last year, we can handle this one.

Right?

RIGHT?

RIGHT?!

Maybe.

KA Spiral no signature

21
Dec
19

Christmas Time

I am not a Christmas person.

As a child, the family had an… interesting… way of dealing with Chrismas, which mostly soured me on the concept. Years later, I made an attempt to celebrate my own Christmas with someone I cared deeply about that blew up in my face. Then I spent six years working retail and watching how people behave from late November until February when the gift receipts are no longer valid, and that finished it off for me.

I acknowledge others do it, and don’t begrudge them or try to berate them for it. I am aware there’s probably hundreds of assorted “Christmas-like” holidays around this time, and don’t try to bully them into a case of the bah humbugs, either. I do my thing, they do theirs.

This Christmas is looking particularly grim, however. There’s the usual apathy and depression to do with the holiday, but added on is the knowledge of what a burden I’ve been to my partner through the year, and how she – who very much is in love with the holiday and wants to celebrate it – is being denied that (as well as any of the things on her Christmas wish list) because of how things are. That’s plenty more miserable to me than my general malaise surrounding the day and how it creeps ever closer.

Still fighting with the disability people – apparently letters from two doctors alongside a full functional capacity evaluation that says “it is unsafe for him to return to work” and demanding surgery isn’t “sufficient evidence of disability” – and doing what I can to hurry it through, with no end in sight.

Still need that surgery, and more pressing at the moment is playing catch up with the bills that continue to pile up while I sit on lockdown. Some of you know I have a Patreon; some of you know I have a GoFundMe set up. If anyone out there, in the spirit of Christmas – or who want to give my long-suffering partner some breathing room for the holiday – can help, even with just a share or word of encouragement, it’d be greatly appreciated. Links below.

Patreon

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GoFundMe

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If you’ve put up with my whimpering this year, thank you. There’s hundreds of you who, for some reason, seem interested in the things I have to say, and while I have difficulty expressing it or sometimes batten down the hatches and crawl into my hole, it matters to me. More than any of you may know. Hopefully, all of you out there have a Merry Christmas (or whichever form of “<Good> <Your Holiday>” you prefer) and a great 2020.

KA Spiral no signature

 

23
Nov
19

Guilt

I’ve been away from my keyboard for almost 48 hours. As I noted yesterday, there’s stuff going on, and scribbling doesn’t seem to help the mindset. But I’ve discovered stopping myself from doing it isn’t all that helpful, either.

This is a nothing post, a quick blurb, but sitting down to do it scratched the itch and banished the guilt demon. It also aggravated the lung, back and head demons who weren’t happy about being dragged upstairs, sitting in the chair, or the frequent panic of what to write. Win some, lose some.

I feel like I’m going insane. More insane than I actually already am, that is.

News as it develops.

KA Spiral no signature

22
Nov
19

Sabbaticals

I have done my very best to write every day, to post every day. I have somehow managed this feat for around 110 days.

That’s pretty impressive for me, especially given my condition. I have at least a small sense of pride about it, even if it’s unwarranted and ultimately pointless. It’s ranked second at the moment in points of personal pride (first place is my PSN Trophy Count. Yes, I know that’s sad.)

But the holidays are coming. Stress levels are rising. I just had to move and there’s still a lot to unpack. My health continues to deteriorate, and doctors want more and more time to poke me.

I need some time away, I think. Not too long. But hitting this every single day is draining me and not realistically feasible at this point. So if you see me skip a few days (no more than a week at a time, I promise), nothing’s wrong, I don’t hate you, and I’m not dead.

For those of you I miss, happy holidays, happy Thanksgiving, merry Christmas, happy New Year’s, etc, etc. And if you don’t celebrate those particular variants of holiday festivity, please interpret that as being well wishes for your favored day, or if you are of a denomination that avoids them all, then take it as “have a great couple of months.” No hate, folks.

Take care, everyone.

KA Spiral no signature

16
Nov
19

Updates

Not about fiction, writing, or anything that’s actually relevant. Just going to rant for a second.

I use a Mac. I know that makes some of your eyes bleed, your brains boil, your blood pressure rise; I have a reason for it. In the dim dark days of my youth, I worked in video production and television broadcasting. If you wanted to do that sort of thing, or graphic design, or audio editing, or any creative field, really, you used a Mac. They were the workhorses in that department, and though they were pretty expensive for “just a computer,” they frequently ended up being more bang for the buck when you were doing those things because that’s what they had been built for and the software was built around it.

That isn’t necessarily the case, anymore – FCPX is a damned embarrassment, most of the rest of the Apple Creative Suite has been killed off, rolled into gimped features of FCPX or hasn’t bothered to be updated or functional for any recent systems, and the hardware inside is functionally identical to most Windows PCs – but 20 years ago, that was the way. Since I did a lot of work from home and had to do some edit jobs on location, my home computer and laptop were Macs, too; everything talked to each other, the same software was on all of them, got the job done.

I’ve kept with it primarily to keep that “everything talks to each other” ability and because for the most part, it does what I want it to. There’s the occasional roadblock (not having a Mac executable for games or certain software, mostly), sometimes circumvented by a VM or a Wine wrapper, but nothing major. When it does become a major issue, there’s the wonders of BootCamp. I have Windows 10 on my machine (unwillingly; they removed support for Windows 7, unfortunately.), and lately I’ve been spending more time in there than on macOS, since I’ve been diddling with RPG Maker and streaming software that don’t like running under macOS.

That’s fine. I’m not entirely happy about it, but I have it configured how I want it and it does the damned job. Until the 15th. Windows arbitrarily decided to update. Which it does without warning, and frequently just decides to reboot when I’m in the middle of something. Doesn’t ask, just does. Charming little trick, that. But this last update completely borked my network adapter.

My internet is supposed to be 200 down, 5 up (why the disparity, I dunno; my old service was 40 down, 20 up, and I liked it just fine, but that carrier isn’t available in my new neighborhood.) Now, my computer is upstairs (though it’s an open loft, not strictly a second floor) and I’m connecting via WiFi, so I don’t expect it to be perfect, but since that update, I get an average of .4 down. Still get 5 up, for some reason, but the upload speed doesn’t mean dick when you can’t even open WordPress or your cloud-based manuscripts and Twitter is acting like an old school AOL message board.

Reset the router/modem. Tested every other device on WiFi sitting next to the computer. Split the network and force connected to 5ghz. Nothing helps. Reboot to macOS, getting 70-120 down, 5 up (which is an acceptable degradation, given circumstances, and not unexpected… but at least it’s functional.)

Look into the problem, discover this is a known issue that has happened many times before (pretty much at least once a year since Win10 hit, which just reinforces my loathing for it and desire to go back to Win7, which worked just fine, thank you.) So now I’m having BootCamp redownload its own drivers, so I can forcibly overwrite them on the Windows side. Hopefully I can find a way to disable the auto updates for the network card, so it doesn’t do that crap again. But we’ll see.

So if anyone’s wondering why there isn’t a new and exciting content today, that’s why. Fighting with goddamn updates and reinstalls all bloody day. Ugh.

KA Spiral no signature

13
Nov
19

Doctor Drama

Nothing much to report today; work continues on Chrysanthemum Graves, though at a snail’s pace. I think I’ll have a chunk I feel like sharing tomorrow, or maybe Friday, so if you’re into that sort of thing, feel free to check back then.

Today is a medical day, though. Three different doctors in two different cities who are going to poke and prod me and likely leave me exactly as I entered with the exception of less room on the credit card after paying the three different $80 co-pays. Getting really sick of going to these. But if I don’t go, my employer and the folks at disability assume “oh, he’s fine now, no need to worry.” Never mind the back pay they should have dealt out months ago, but they’ll definitely put a hold on anything forthcoming. So I keep going to the doctors, who keep telling me the same thing, and they keep dragging their heels.

I am so utterly sick of dealing with medical personnel and all the associated extensions it requires. This should be very simple. Send one human with a brain to my house and watch me try to do chores for an hour or two. Do a two-hour phone call. Discover “wow, he’s fucked up!” Sign off on form that says “Wow, he’s fucked up!” Send a second person to echo that sentiment. Be done.

But no. Six doctors, a year, and having to call every single day because they can’t be bothered or trusted to return my calls or call me back. The latest on that one is my employer called me yesterday to ask if I had my original rejection letter. This is the first I’ve heard from them since two weeks ago when I finally got through to a third-tier supervisor and manually sent all the info to him. I told them “Um. No. I’ve had to move, and I have roughly a crate’s worth of medical records, so I’m not sure where that would be at the moment.” They inform me they’re going to have to pull it from their records, then.

They’re damn fast about finding paperwork when it’s something that supports them telling me to go pound sand, but apparently, it’ll take them a week to find a document they sent to me, that should be in my damn file. Ugh.

Anyway. Off to the doctor’s. Send chicken. Or drug money. If you feel like doing either, you can stop by my Patreon or GoFundMe. Everything helps.

Until next time, folks.

KA Spiral no signature

 

28
Oct
19

Desk Job

It was not easy, and I’m fairly certain my kneecap is in the wrong place and my spine is terribly misaligned, but my desk (and thus my computer) are now where they are supposed to be. It was an exciting adventure.

I will most likely be updating my “View from the Desk” video in the near future because for some reason I enjoy thinking people might admire this space and one day say “Did you know? This is where the magic was born!” Not that they would, but it’s fun to imagine.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to attend a NaNoWriMo meeting. I am terrified. I don’t know whether I’m going to go or not. Depression, anxiety, pain, and strep throat say no. Logic and the desire to be free of those (at least the ones I can be; the strep still has 8 days of antibiotics to clear) say I not only should go, but that I must go.

We’ll see who wins tomorrow afternoon. Or if my spine has popped back into place.

Until next time, folks.

KA Spiral no signature

 




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