Posts Tagged ‘guilt

23
Nov
19

Guilt

I’ve been away from my keyboard for almost 48 hours. As I noted yesterday, there’s stuff going on, and scribbling doesn’t seem to help the mindset. But I’ve discovered stopping myself from doing it isn’t all that helpful, either.

This is a nothing post, a quick blurb, but sitting down to do it scratched the itch and banished the guilt demon. It also aggravated the lung, back and head demons who weren’t happy about being dragged upstairs, sitting in the chair, or the frequent panic of what to write. Win some, lose some.

I feel like I’m going insane. More insane than I actually already am, that is.

News as it develops.

KA Spiral no signature

20
Apr
18

Backlog

 

Backlog.png

“Man’s reach should exceed his grasp.” Or so Robert Browning once said. Sometimes I doubt that wisdom, though.

I was thinking of that this morning as I gazed over the pile of books, movies and video games that have accrued while I’ve laid about the living room waiting for the ability to walk and talk properly to return. I accrued quite the haul, and that’s not even including the stuff that was already backlogged before it happened.

At last count, there are 27 video games, eight paperback novels, 18 Kindle downloads, three television series, one streaming-only series and six movies that await consumption. Some of those go back a year (or more), and all of them carry with them the faint whiff of guilt.

“I know I shouldn’t buy that. I have tons of other things I need to get to.” But I can’t help myself. (It’s only getting worse today, as God of War launches.) I know I’ll get to them… eventually. There will be some dry spot where either there is nothing new and interesting for me to fixate on or I lack the resources to obtain them, and then I’ll start sorting it out, but staring down the pile and wondering when that will happen leads to a giant blow from the “oh crap” hammer of despair.

It’s probably a weird thing to worry about, but I do. I suppose its time for some goal setting; by next week I’ll have finished Devil May Cry HD, read through Sleeping Beauties and PorterGirl, and watched all of the current season of National Treasure.

Sure I will. I’ll also finish Believe Me in that time, cure cancer and learn to exist entirely without sleep or food. Who knows? Still, it’s a place to start. I might actually at least make it through those two books, since I have a fully functioning iPad again. Fingers crossed.

What about you folks? Have media that must be consumed but that somehow hasn’t made it to the top of the stack, especially when you keep making the stack bigger? How do you feel about it? What’s next to tackle in the Everest of a backlog? Let us know down below!

KA Spiral no signature

25
Feb
18

Oops.

I was having such a good run, too. Managed almost two whole months without missing a day of posting and writing.

Mea culpa. The trick now is not to be defeated, to beat myself up for missing that day and turn it into a downward spiral of hopelessness that leads to a second missed day… and a third… and then a few dozen after that.

That’s always been the curse. Everything’s going great, then there’s one hiccup and it turns into the end of the world, with guilt and self-loathing conspiring to keep me away from the only things that would actually make me feel better about it.

What about those of you out there? How do you deal when you set a goal and miss it? How easy is it to climb back atop the horse, and what secret tricks do you use? Let us know down below!

KA Spiral no signature

30
Jan
18

Reader’s Guilt

We’ve all had it, I bet. That moment where one of three thoughts occurs to you:

  1. I’m reading something other than what I should be reading. There’s some book that really needs to get read, and it’s not happening because I’m reading this one instead.
  2. I really shouldn’t be reading this. Either because it’s just plain awful but you’re determined to plow through anyway, or it’s “trash” (ala Stephen King’s mother, who he suspects would have called ‘Salem’s Lot “trash, but not bad trash.”) that you feel guilty for owning and/or enjoying.
  3. I’m reading something for the sole purpose of destroying it later.

Readers_guilt.jpg

We’ve all done all three of them, I suspect. My Goodreads list has been occupied by several (in fact, right now, a glaring case of #2 lies there; The Black Awakening.) The Amityville Horror and related works are definitely squatting in spot #3.

But I’m mostly here to talk about reason #1. I have a lot of books and stories on the Kindle app right now. Most of them are from great authors, like Lucy Brazier and Troy Blackford. Yet they either remain unread or merely poked at.

Not because they’re bad, or in any way deficient. Merely because I have problems reading on Kindle. I’m one of those crusty bastards who enjoys the feel of actual paper in his hands for one, but also because I do most of my reading in the bathroom. A guilty habit that I’m quite sure most of you have engaged in at some point or another. What isn’t done in the bathroom is typically done at work.

I don’t really want to drag my hideously expensive tablet into the room of steam, mold and possible droppage, and at work, we are not allowed to have devices that have cameras on them. So I only get to them when I’m at my computer or tablet and not writing or playing World of Warcraft or The Binding of Isaac. This means I am slow to pick them up and slower to read them, while I can blast through something I own physically in a couple of days. (I spend a lot of time in the bathroom and sitting at my desk doing nothing at work. Not that you needed to know those things.)

I’ve tried to incorporate it into my New Years’ resolutions; “I will read more of my Kindle library. I will get caught up there and post reviews as is proper.” I’ve even managed to (sort of) keep to it, having read a whopping 100 pages on the Kindle app this year. But that doesn’t seem so great when I’m already 8 books into my Goodreads Challenge.

So, to those authors I’ve inadvertently snubbed merely because of the format I possess your books in, I’m sorry. I’ll get there, I promise.

What about you folks out there? Is there something you should be or want to be reading, but haven’t managed to get to yet? Share it down below, and a link, if you’re of a mind. Maybe you can get someone else hooked while you’re at it!

KA Spiral no signature




Show your support

Adopt an Artist

Take pity, and eternal gratitude will be yours; helps keep this site running and the words flowing.

PayPal Donate Button

Archives

Follow Insomniac Nightmares on WordPress.com