Posts Tagged ‘mental health

10
Sep
19

Here’s how to recognize anxiety — ontheedgeofeverything

A quick primer on some warning signs. If you see these in yourself, please seek help. (Comments disabled here, please visit the original post.)

I would argue that many of us believe we’re able to identify someone who struggles with anxiety based on the symptoms they may be demonstrating. Some of the most common symptoms of anxiety that are easily recognizable include worrying, self-doubt, insecurity, and panic attacks. What many of us are unaware of, though, are the more […]

via Here’s how to recognize anxiety — ontheedgeofeverything

Advertisements
21
Aug
19

In The Face Of Mental Illness — The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

A peek into the merry-go-round. Well worth reading. (Comments disabled here; please visit the original post.)

There are often many things that fall by the wayside due to mental illness. They include, but are not limited to, hygiene, relationships, motivation, academics, social interaction, romance, honestly the list goes on and on. Though the one thing that I miss the most is probably a mixture of relationships, social interaction, and romance. I’ve…

via In The Face Of Mental Illness — The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

20
Aug
19

I Hate Myself and Don’t Deserve Good Things — The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

This sums up a lot of my own thoughts, and I’m sure plenty of other folks’ as well. Worth reading. (Comments disabled here; please visit the original post.)

Anxiety. Depression. PTSD. Codependency. On any given day, I’m dealing with one or more of these issues. It has taken several years for me to understand what I’m going through. I didn’t realize I was codependent until recently. That one hit harder than the others. Most of my behaviors stem from one of my issues.…

via I Hate Myself and Don’t Deserve Good Things — The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

09
Aug
19

Identifying your ‘little things’ — ontheedgeofeverything

The little things are VERY important. (Comments disabled here, please visit the original post.)

I think it’s fair to assume that most of us have heard the phrase, “it’s the little things in life,” at least once or twice. We’re told to appreciate small joys and things that bring us happiness that aren’t particularly extravagant, and I think acknowledging these small joys is so important in terms of seeking […]

via Identifying your ‘little things’ — ontheedgeofeverything

07
Aug
19

A Brief Trip To Happyland

I watch a lot of YouTube.

Like… a lot. My iPad is typically running YouTube any time I’m not streaming, recording, or playing a game where the sound is important. It serves as the voice to cure loneliness, like leaving a TV on for a cat or dog who’s home alone all day or running the radio overnight for a widower. The problem is, what YouTube is usually spewing at me isn’t all that great for my mental health.

There’s a bit of a divide, you see, between content that “tickles the almonds” as some YouTube commentators say, that provides news and updates, or that explains things in an intelligible matter, and content that isn’t damaging to my mental health.

I may wish to stay apprised of the Jessica/Johnathan Yaniv situation; that doesn’t mean I really should. It just makes me angry. I made the mistake of watching some footage from a Socialist Democrat conference and found myself looking for the sharps. Given my status as a straight, white, cis, somewhat conservative male in the PNW, it’s advisable to keep an eye on what Antifa may be up to, but every time I see a clip of them destroying property, sucker-punching people, or taking over traffic detail while the cops stare and do nothing, my paranoia increases.

As someone who’s already suffering from bipolar depression and mild schizophrenia, who’s essentially housebound and who’s primary socialization outside of watching YouTube, stalking Whisper, or Tweeting into emptiness is talking to a stuffed Springtrap toy or a deaf cat, this is not a good situation.

Thankfully, there are a few things on YouTube that are better. Things that manage to make me laugh, that bring up the spirits. I rounded a few up and put them in a public playlist. If you want to know some of the things that crack me up, check it out. If you have suggestions for other videos I should add to the list, things that have cheered you up or that you think are good, let me know. I’m very open to expanding the list.

Of special note on there is Olyve Gardyns. She’s a new YouTuber, who I was introduced to via Jeff Holiday (who I watch a lot of, but generally he’s in the topics that make me angry while educating me, so not much of him made it to the happiness list.) She makes some of my favorite stuff right now, so show her some support and drop her a like and a subscribe, willya? She deserves it.

In other news, I’ll probably be trying to stream Too Human a little later today, assuming my Xbox wants to behave and I can get it to talk to my laptop. It’s one of those games that everyone I know despises, but that I find amusing. If you want to keep up with me on the streaming front, you can do so via Twitch.

Lastly, and I know you’re all sick of hearing me babble about it, still trying to sort out surgery and keep a roof over my head. If you can help, consider dropping a share or a dime in the bucket over here at GoFundMe. If you’d prefer, you can also support my endeavors via Patreon. It’s always appreciated but never required.

Happy Hump Day, everyone. Now go watch some Olyve and AVGN and cheer the hell up. It’s what I plan to do.

KA Spiral no signature

04
Aug
19

Let’s talk about mental illness — ontheedgeofeverything

Some good points are brought up here. Check it out. (Comments are disabled here; please visit the original post.)

When it comes to mental illness, one of the most effective ways to understand it is through conversation. I often say that unless you’re chatting with someone who has dealt with mental illness themselves, it’s difficult to convey what exactly it entails. Talking to someone about a mental illness you’ve both experienced can be one […]

via Let’s talk about mental illness — ontheedgeofeverything

01
Jan
19

How Broken Am I?

Happy New Year, everyone. December, and by extension 2018, are finally gone, leaving us a fresh 365 days to try to do better.

I hope to all higher and lower powers it’s better. In 2018 I missed roughly 8 months of work due to illness, saw progressive decay in my physical and mental state, and spent quite a bit of time wondering just how sharp the knives in the drawer were. That is not exaggeration, nor is it an attempt to elicit reactions. Merely truth.

Most followers know I’ve got quite a lot wrong with me. For those who don’t, here’s the laundry list:

Asthma. I’m on three kinds of steroid and two kinds of “as needed” meds so I can pretend to function at least semi-normally. Walking down the stairs or across my parking lot on a good day is liable to end with a severe coughing fit and potential vomiting, followed by an hour or more of wheezing. On a bad day it’s impossible and may result in crawling when I try to push myself to do it anyway.

Bipolar Disorder. Apparently I’m on the low end of this one, for which I should be grateful I guess. Doesn’t mean that I can’t go from feeling “okay” to “staring at the knives” in 10 seconds under the right – or wrong, depending on your viewpoint – circumstances. It can also go from placid and considering the knives for… ahem… personal use to contemplating how many times you can stab someone before they just…shut…up. Yes, I am unstable and sometimes not a pleasant person to be around. I do my best, and they gave me a bottle of lovely pills that I take to “even it out,” which helps… but not always.

Chronic Depressive Disorder. On top of being prone to psychotic mood swings, I’m also almost permanently stuck in a depressive state. That means I get all the negatives of the bipolar without the fun and occasionally useful manic periods. I’ve got pills for this, too, but even when they’re working on my brain there’s a lot of factors involved in depression besides just not having the right chemistry lab in your skull. Being a practical invalid, constantly being stressed about bills as you fight with your company’s disability reps – a situation that still hasn’t been resolved – and seeing nothing but doctor’s offices, the gas station between your house and those offices, and the walls of your tiny apartment for months on end, with similarly limited human contact takes its toll on one’s mood and ability to cope just as much as a lack of serotonin and dopamine.

Carpal Tunnel / Arthritis. My wrists and hands are turning into barely functioning hooks, and I spend the first two to three hours of the day – once I sort out my morning candy bag of pills and huff on my assorted aspirators, anyway – with alternating numbness and agony twisting through my forearms and hands. It’s not considered severe enough for medication at this point, and they’re afraid to try surgery due to my lung problems, so I chew naproxen sodium and ibuprofen like they’re going out of style and spend a lot of time trying to type or game with big clunky braces on (which then gets me frustrated and causes problems with the mental/emotional disorders, and what a merry-go-round that is.) I’m supposed to wear them to bed, too; problem is that I have a nasty tendency to strip them off and hide them when I’m asleep. Which leads us to our next issue.

Restless Leg Syndrome. I used to think this one was a joke. Then they did some tweaks on my other meds and I discovered that, hey, this is a thing. Your body will jump around and just do things whether you want it to or not. You can feel the muscles in your thighs and calves thrumming, begging to be flexed, and if you give in to it, it only gets worse. You then get two choices; endure it, and fight for every minute of sleep you manage to get, risking waking yourself up by kicking yourself, the wall, the cat, your sleepmate or whatever, or take the tranquilizers they prescribed, which stops that and helps you sleep, but tends to cause early-waking insomnia and general grogginess for a bit when you wake up. Which also leads to another fun one.

Severe Acid Reflux. With the asthma and allergies, I wheeze and cough a lot in my sleep. With a sensitive gut, sometimes that leads to nausea. More than once I’ve woken myself up with vomit burning in my throat, almost choking as I make a mad dash to the bathroom. Now do that with numb legs and a groggy head because of the tranquilizers you had to take to get to sleep at all and you have a fun situation. More pills for this, but I can’t take them all the time because apparently they can dissolve my stomach lining, so that severely limits diet and when it’s “safe” to eat. Combine with an odd work schedule – when I’m actually capable of working, ha ha – and I get to literally starve some days. Hooray.

Mild Schizophrenia. At least, that’s what they’re debating right now. The docs are teetering on whether they think it’s harmless delusions that should be death with via therapy, just an overactive imagination and lack of stimuli, or actual psychosis that needs more magical pills, but regardless of the final diagnosis, I see shit that’s not there, I hear shit that’s not there, and my memory is only to be trusted about 80%. Fun.

I’m not trying to complain, though I’m not going to lie and say it’s a bloody picnic or anything. The meds help, in as much as they can, and I’m doing my best. But when I disappear for long periods, or the output seems to be suffering, one or some or all of these things are likely to blame.

As noted, it’s a new year. New chance to try again and post as much as I can and try to grow my YouTube and Twitch channels, and publish a new book and finish the one on the burner like it deserves to be. That’s my resolution. To do my best to do those things.

I can always use a little help; like, share, subscribe if you’re of a mind. Follow me on Twitter (or fill my timeline and DMs with vitriol, if you like!). Watch me play games badly here on Twitch. And if you are taken with the spirit, you can help keep my stuff working and my meds on order via Patreon or GoFundMe.

If you can’t – or just won’t – do those things, that’s okay, too. You read this, which means a lot. You’re still paying attention, even with all my bitching and long silences, which is pretty impressive. So thank you.

What about you folks out there? How broken are you, and how does that impact your creative endeavors? Got tips for helping others through those times? Drop your thoughts down below, if you’re of a mind.

Happy New Year!




Show your support

Adopt an Artist

Take pity, and eternal gratitude will be yours; helps keep this site running and the words flowing.

PayPal Donate Button

Archives

Follow Insomniac Nightmares on WordPress.com
Advertisements